Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Requiem of a friend-gone-loco

"Once upon a time there was a princess. Along came a prince who asked her if she'd like to ride on his white horse. She said, 'I'd like to take a ride on your horse, but I can't right now because I'm a little busy getting my own horse. Go ride off into the sunset without me, and I'll catch up to you a little later.' Suddenly, the prince is dumbfounded. He's never heard anything like this before. Something clicks inside him, and it starts a fire within him that he can't put out, because she doesn't need him. And then he says, 'I have to be with her for the rest of my life.'

Then they fall in love, marry, and ride off into the sunset. And then she tortures him . . . lovingly ever after."


I once lived a vicarious life, threw life and limb into the wind in search of the perfect mate (rich, handsome and young as I). I sailed off in yachts and kissed on top of cliffs. I also cheated, got almost beaten, beat someone, and all the things that make up half of whats in the "self help" section of your local bookstore.

Also had a friend, a female of the species. Though she didnt live her life boldly as I did, she took the path least taken and managed to pull off 4 or 3 years of it..

And decided to live my life. And, re-live my mistakes.

I dont know what advise to give her, except that I hope she can make up her mind with what she really wants.

Sometimes girls want to be treated bad, so that they'd feel a bit of a challenge, but there is a thin line between being treated bad and being abused.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Still throbbing!

My head is still throbbing from last night's vodka/rhum drinking spree. I used to chug down enormous amounts of vodka and rhum although not at the same time and MOST DEFINITELY not as chaser-style.
I just cant understand why drowning myself in water all day drinking and swimming in the beach wouldnt heal my body from last night's drunken fiasco and half-strip lapdancing. Typical. I sat back and saw my whole life flash before my eyes.

Well there was a gay guy, but after a minute of conversation I wanted to chop his head off and kick it into the traffic. He said he had more action than I do. That's about it for now. I have grown tired of posting sexual stuff here.

Funnily enough, a friend told me that guys have lower libido when they are beyond normal weight (let's say, a bit chunky). The veins supposedly dont travel that fast to the penis area when the guy is supposed to be horny because of the huge belly.
Clearly, its supposed to travel faster down there if he had washboard abs reminiscent of Brandon Routh's.

Does the same thing go for girls as well?

I have been slacking off at the gym lately. I have been snacking on Twinkies more lately. You do the math.

I really wish I could meet a guy who would shower me with attention and security, because I think those are the real key elements to getting a woman in bed. ;)

Goodnight, and for me, good luck!

Waiting for a star to fall!

I hear your name whispered on the wind
It's a sound that makes me cry
I hear a song blow again and again
Through my mind and I don't know why
I wish I didn't feel so strong about you
Like happiness and love revolve around you

Trying to catch your heart
Is like trying to catch a star
So many people love you baby
That must be what you are

-Waiting for a Star to Fall
Boy Meets Girl (1981 Billboard Top Ten)

Dammit I just made a complete jackass out of myself last night by downing about a quart of rhumcoke and downing about a couple of jiggers of tequila simply because I was craving for a man and the bartenders for the night were a bunch of 20 something "virile" men.
What the fuck was I thinking?

Better yet, who the fuck was I trying to impress?

It has been a couple of months since the last time I got drunk, the reason mainly because I dont have a fucking driver and I have to drive a couple of assholes home (if the need calls for it) as well as myself. They live in chi-chi subdivisions/urban areas with road humps bigger than an aquatic submarine.

Anyway I really like this guy but I think he doesnt like me. I am not going to put myself in this spot where I would be humiliated and degraded to the fullest fuckifying extent. I would rather choose death or dismemberment.

There are times when you see a person looking at you, but he doesnt do anything else. Sometimes it seems like he wants you, almost grabs you by the arm but theres just nothing. Could it be that he is waiting for me to make the first fucking move? Should I?


What the fuck do these body languages mean?

It means...

a.) He thinks your pants frame your big tummy.
b.) He is afraid a sexual encounter with you will make it difficult for him to find the hole to insert his peenie weenie into.
c.)He thinks your face is bigger than his face, and might be mistaken for a parking lot or a missing part of the solar system.
d.)He just doesnt like you, you're fat and chunky and wont be beneficial in the sack or career-wise.

This entry is just SAD. :(

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.

Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

I am a tetherball!
Find your own pose!

A modern day Mrs. Robinson and her hermaphrodite buddy, Allie

This afternoon I forced myself a much-needed quickie siesta since I was short of sleep last night due to some forced cofibean reading.
I suppose in your dreams your subconscious wants resurface willingly. I was running around inside an old building wearing a gown, nobody seemed to mind anyway they were too drunk or too apathetic to their surroundings (which is a usual thing in my city).
I found myself floating towards the ground floor of that building, I did remember I was with someone, a saggy breasted girl I would like to call Allie.
I was already in the vehicle and about to leave the premises when I strongly told myself that I wasnt being a good friend by leaving her there.
Running inside I was surprised to see her lying spread eagled in front of a guy that I liked (HAH!) receiving what we could call, "head".
Suffice to say, I was shocked. Sitting beside the guy, I saw that shes actually enjoying it. I wanted to pull her hair and say "bitch who ever said that you could get head and I couldnt?" But upon closer inspection I saw that she had two small testicles, the same testicles my male kitten has. EW!
Anyway I was about to get my turn when she started talking on the cellphone, loudly.
The guy left and told me I put him in great harm by allowing my friend to talk loudly on the cellphone. I also realized we were inside a room that had shitloads of windows and that everyone in the party were perving in on the other couples who were engaged in a multitude of positions and whatnot.
I left her at the party. DAMN! Even in my dreams I cant get laid.

Even Kimi Raikkonen's pee-bag gets more action than I do. FUCK THAT.

Monday, June 19, 2006

The revenge of the chocopay

It has been a while since I have dieted my life to oblivion. I bought a box of diet pills and I overindulged in laxatives with Senna in it.
Seriously that damn thing makes me shit my life away. I would hold the walls for emotional and intestinal support!

Anyway the weather has been nothing short of disgusting the past few days. I desperately need a shower.

Last night I wore tampons to sleep since I ran out of pads. Pads make my butt chafe though.

I woke up this morning and I realized I was fucking recreating the Godfather scene with the horse head on the bed. The sheets were all bloody and so was my nightgown. I was half-peeing, I guess I had an autoerotic dream with Michael Schumacher again. *Sigh*